jeans vs reality

I made a mistake today. Yup. Made the mistake of looking for a new pair of jeans. Who knew such a quest could result in such an emotional roller coaster.

I haven't purchased a pair of jeans in about 5 years. Ouch. How did that happen? Except that I hate buying clothes and the last pair was a sweet deal that I got in New Orleans before *Katrina* washed the mall away. I paid 12 bucks back then.

So, I left the hospital today with the goal of acquiring a new pair to replace my faded, shredded and comfy jeans. It's not the holes that are the problem...it's where the hole are that have propelled me into this mission.

So, I thought I should go to a kind of upscale mall to get my jeans. That would mean more options and expensive jeans should make my bum look better.

I entered store #1 with confidence. Several styles, lots of colors and sale signs everywhere. Now, when the last time you bought jeans was 2 kids ago, how do you know what size you are? and what style looks best on you? the modern fit? the anne fit? the martin fit? the sexy, curvy 90210 fit? boot cut? straight leg? it has now gotten as complicated to buy jeans as it is to buy bras. I selected my pile and headed into the dressing room.

I tried on a size that should fit...(my confidence begins to waver)...too tight in the thighs...I knew it...I always thought I had big thighs. There is was: the sense that my well-being is attached to the size I wear...and THAT pair of jeans was infringing on my sense of well being and body image. I finished trying on the pile I had in my dressing room. Nothing was right...too tight, too long, too low waisted...

Forget the sale, on to the next store.

My hope was buoyed at the next store. More jeans, more sale signs...but I was willing to go for a full price pair if I find "the pair". I dug through the piles and hauled another stack into the dressing room. By the time I worked through them all, I had dropped 2 jean sizes! The store didn't have my size, but why should I care? The clothing now says I'm thin. So all of the external cues said I'm okay now.

Funny how a little tag hanging on a piece of clothing can change the way people see themselves.

Next store. I am now completely willing to skip the sale signs and look for the upscale and expen$ive jeans. Surely this will help me. I couldn't find the REALLY pricey ones, so I did the best I could. Another pile, another dressing room, more denim...no luck. But, I was still wearing the smaller size. A good thing right?

Nah. I reflected on the experience as I left the mall:

1) it's amazing how many styles of jeans there are. I didn't even make a dent in trying them on.

2) Common denim sewn into jeans with a label slapped on them is very expensive. In fact, if the whole medical thing gets boring, I may start designing jeans.

3) It takes time to find a good pair of jeans. This is a hard concept for who don't like to shop for clothes. I was done after 3 stores and 2 hours. I may have to spend a few weeks to psyche myself up for the next foray into denim.

4) Numbers on a label (also known as the size) don't mean anything. They are not a reflection of worth, value, character, health or self-image. They are a number assigned by a manufacturer and a marketing department. I am not any bigger or smaller tonight that I was this morning. I am made in the image of God. Jeans are made in the image of a brand. I know where I need to draw my value.

So, I will have to head out again to find jeans. I'll still have to deal with which style, color and price range to try, but I will not allow size to set the tone of the event. I just want them to make the bum look better and to have no holes.